Open Letter to Sean:

OK Sean. It’s time to earn your keep here. We here at MATW selected you among a highly qualified group of applicants for our third columnist position. (Note: technically, we’ll refer to you as our “other” person, since Kyle must not have access to the internets in South Carolina.)

We really love your articles. They’re nice. You fit right in ripping on Penn State and their pathetic squad. You call out the RCMB and make fun of our opponents. Your irrational hatred for West Virginia is tremendous as well. But, I’ve got a confession to make. It wasn’t for the articles that we brought you on board. It was to have you in our back pocket for this situation. See, while law-talkin’ is a fine thing, it isn’t going to help me here. Neither is Kyle’s non-blogging lifestyle. No, what we needed was someone like you and your months-from-being-a-doctor education.

Here’s our proposal, and it’s a win-win. You need to pioneer the “Sean Smith Method” of knee replacement. Now. It’s quite simple. If there’s one thing that medical-types like you have taught me, it’s that if the human body has two of something, then one is really unnecessary and can be given up (kidneys, lungs, eyes, ears, etc.) As luck may have it, I have two healthy knees. As of right now, that’s one more than Tom Brady has. This is where you come in. I’m willing to take one for the team. I can sit in my chair all day at work, sit and take notes in class, and do pretty much all of my normal activities for the next 8 months or so while the bum knee rehabs. Hell, I can even wheel in and out of the Big House now that we have those empty fancy handicapped seats.

So, get on it. Don’t make me cancel my Super Bowl reservations. If it proves too difficult, I’m perfectly OK with an acceptable alternative like Will Smith’s metal, robotic hand in I, Robot. The bionic knee sounds cool, too. Oh, and while you’re at it, we’ll take one of Kyle’s knees and put it on Antonio Bass. You can save both the Patriots and Michigan seasons at once. This is your chance to be a legend.

You have 5 days.