Beating the "Best Team Money Can Buy"

Well, ESPN's resident football knucklehead, John Clayton, did it again. Clayton, who made quite possibly the most idiotic comments of the off-season by any talking head when he passed Peyton Manning's annual January gagfest off on "slippery balls", has assembled what he considers the "best team money can buy." In essence, Clayton freed every player in the league from their team commitments, and assembled his own squad playing by the NFL's salary cap rules.

Basically, this exercise was another opportunity for Clayton to wrap his lips around Peyton's little lap snake and proclaim Indianapolis' dominance. There were 5 Colts on Clayton's team. Clayton's final squad racked up a $100,822,220 cap number, coming in just under $1.2 million under the NFL cap. His squad looked like this (starters bolded):

OFFENSE
QB: Peyton $10,566,668; Matt Schaub $579,491; Andrew Walter $547,000
RB: LaDanian $6,316,666; Marion Barber $423,000; LenDale White $693,000; Darren Sproles $448,000
WR: Chad Johnson $6,419,801; Steve Smith $4,409,411; Santana Moss $3,182,000; Dante Hall $1,725,000; David Tyree $805,000; Roscoe Parrish $707,826
C: Jeff Saturday $3,934,666; Chris Spencer $1,315,000
G: Eric Steinbach $1,000,000; Chris Snee $869,000; Richie Incognito $418,410
T: Walter Jones $5,600,000; Jammal Brown $1,542,000; Michael Roos $827, 502; Marcus McNeill $660,000
TE: Antonio Gates $4,860,000; Chris Cooley $588,750; Leonard Pope $461,000

DEFENSE
DE: Dwight Freeney $6,330,714; Shawne Merriman $1,037,500; Mario Williams $2,900,000; Jared Allen $519,166
DT: Tommie Harris $2,252,410; Albert Haynesworth $1,745,002; Darnell Dockett $621,160; Dusty Dvoracek $431,375; Vince Wilfork $1,990,000
LB: Lance Briggs $900,260; Lofa Tatupu $800,000; DJ Williams $1,976,000; Karlos Dansby $1,043,660; Larry Izzo $816,160; Barrett Ruud $865,750
CB: Marcus Trufant $2,127,777; DeAngelo Hall $3,753,660; Charles Tillman $980,410; Corey Webster $712,500; Chris Carr $351,666
S: Bob Sanders $696,666; Troy Polamalu $2,822,500; Josh Bullocks $752,500; Jordan Babineaux $425,000
K: Vinatraitor $1,680,000
P: Shane Lechler $1,882,857
LS: Chris Massey $666,160

Some good picks on there:
I love the DJ Williams/Lance Briggs linebacking tandem, I'm a huge DeAngelo Hall guy and I think that's a position worth spending money to get that lock-down guy, Bob Sanders is an absolute steal in the defensive backfield, Sproles provides special teams help, and I think Leonard Pope is going to be a beast at TE

and some that leave me laughing:
Peyton (a good pick if we're playing in the regular season and Pro Bowl only), Dante Hall, Antonia Gates, and Marcus Trufant. We will address these picks now.

So....my goal is to build a team that beats Clayton's team. I'm not going to do a complete roster overhaul, mainly because I don't have the salary cap hits for all players, just making some changes at key positions. Since I'm not privvy to all of the salary cap data (though I do have access to the Pats' cap thanks to poster Miguel from PatsFans.com) I'm going to utilize the best information available, taking the base salary or any cap hit numbers I can find on Google from reputable news sources. I don't think it will be an issue anyways. So, here are my changes:

First, we'll start on the defensive side of the ball:
I want to run a 3-4 defense, since Clayton is modeling his squad after the Colts, I will use the Colt-killer, the Patriots. The key to my defense will be Richard Seymour, huge new contract and all. I'm cutting Dwight Freeney, signing Seymour, who's new cap hit is $4,420,160. So the difference here is $1,910,554 in my favor. I like the idea of Tommie Harris lining up opposite Seymour, and we'll keep Wilfork and his $1,990,000 price tag in the middle. I'm ditching Mario Williams and his $2,900,000 price tag (he's not worth that to me yet without playing a snap), and also cut in the alignment shift will be Dvoracek ($431,375). I've added Tank Johnson to backup Wilfork at $691,460 and kept Allen and Merriman for pass rushing situations. Right now this leaves me $4,550,469 under Clayton's cap at the moment on D-Line cuts, but I am 2 players short. Since I'm going to be adding another 2 linebackers, it will balance out. I'm sticking with Clayton's linebacking corps, and adding 2 players to it. I'll start Dhani Jones at $1,972,750 and add Pisa Tinoisamoa as his backup at $789,700. So, with the front 7 complete, I'm $1,788,019 under Clayton's current payroll.

As we move into the secondary, my biggest change will be getting rid of Marcus Trufant. I love DeAngelo Hall, but will take Antrell Rolle and his $1,800,000 hit over Trufant's $2,127,177. That will put me $2,115,796 under Clayton's numbers. I can live with his backups at corner. At the safety position, well, Bob Sanders is an absolute steal at under $700K, but I'm going to upgrade and spend an extra $200K to pickup Eugene Wilson- probably the best cover safety in the game. Wilson's costing me $839,365 and I'm not messing with Polamalu.

So, my starting defense consists of Wilfork, Harris, Seymour, Briggs, Tatupu, Williams, Jones, Hall, Rolle, Wilson, and Polamalu. I can definitely take that, especially to save $1,973,097 from Clayton's squad, and play a defense that can actually...win in the NFL playoffs.

As we shift to offense, obviously I'm hoarding the money to upgrade the QB position to a winner. Clayton was less than honest in the cap discrepency between Brady and Manning. Brady's cap hit in 06 will be $13,929,910. Once I cut Peyton, I'm over Clayton's payroll by $1,390,145, but only over the NFL cap by $212,365. So I have some cuts to make on offense. I'll take care of that with a smile on my face to upgrade the most important position in the game from a notorious choker to the greatest clutch quarterback to ever play the game. Oh, and it's nice to have some rings under center, too. My first move will be at running back. I love LT. But, for $1,150,857 I can get Larry Johnson. This is an absolute no-brain move. Consider it done, and I'm now $3,775,664 under Clayton's payroll, and a Brady-Johnson backfield DESTROYS a Peyton-Tomlinson backfield, especially on price. That lets me cut LenDale "can I call you a faggot if you are a faggot" White (who I am now VERY glad the Pats passed up) and add Steven Jackson as an insurance policy for a cool $1,587,500. So I upgraded my QB and RB positions and am coming in $2,188,164 less than Clayton's payroll. Cool. I can afford to keep Walter Jones and his outrageous price to protect Tommy's blind side, and I'll leave the O-Line alone.

This allows me to make the easiest move ever. Remember, Deion Branch is still under his rookie contract. At $664,180. Um, yes, I'll take 1 please. So, goodbye overpriced Santana Moss. Hello Deion, and while I'm at it, I'll take Super Bowl MVP Hines Ward as well at $2,168,966. This upgrades the position, and actually saves me about $400K. So, I'll invest that money by cutting Dante Hall and upgrading to Torry Holt at $2,844,714. So, I'm starting Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, and Torry Holt, and backing them up with Deion Branch, Hines Ward, and Roscoe Parrish, and coming in thusfar $1,417,304 under Clayton's figure.

All we have left are tight end, which I'll keep Gates, and though I contemplated upgrading my backup to Ben Watson, let's be realistic- with that WR corps, the TE will be a minor role. I like Lechler, though not the idea of spending $1.8 mil on a punter, but what the hell. I can afford it. The last move I'm making is at kicker. I refuse to have Vinatraitor on my team on principle alone. You know what? I've just hired Bill Belichick, and he says that bastard can't play for us anymore. Plus, it's been stated ad nauseum on the PatsFans board and ColdHardFootballFacts the statistics that Vinatraitor is still living off of the Snow Bowl anyways. So, enjoy the bread line, Vinatraitor, I've just taken Jason Hanson at $1,730,880, bringing my final payroll to $99,455,796 which is $1,366,424 LESS than Clayton's team, and $2,544,204 under the NFL's 2006 salary cap.

My squad:

DEFENSE:

NT: Wilfork, Tank Johnson
DE/DT: Richard Seymour, Harris, Haynesworth, Merriman, Allen
LB: Briggs, Tatupu, Williams, Dhani Jones, Pisa Tinoisamoa, Dansby, Izzo, Ruud
CB: Hall, Antrelle Rolle, Tillman, Webster, Carr
S: Eugene Wilson, Polamalu, Bullocks, Babineau

OFFENSE:

QB: Tom Brady, Matt Schaub, Andrew Walter
RB: Larry Johnson, Steven Jackson, Marion Barber, Darren Sproles
WR: Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, Torry Holt, Deion Branch, Hines Ward, Roscoe Parrish
C: Saturday, Spencer
G: Steinbach, Snee, Incognito
T: Jones, Brown, Roos, McNeill
TE: Gates, Cooley, Pope
K: Jason Hanson
P: Lechler
LS: Massey

So bottom line here is that I'll take this squad anyday over Clayton's team. We won't have to worry about slippery balls, playing in the snow, throwing INT's when it counts, and blaming our offensive line for another playoff failure. What I've assembled truly is the best team money can buy. And that, is a fact.